Last week, I had the opportunity to catch up with some of my creative buddies from a couple years ago. It had been a while since I had participated, but it was nice to see everyone again. That night, one of the members challenged us on how we view our own creativity. He posed the following questions:
What is it you love about your creative practice?
What about it is life-giving?
What about it makes you happy?
What about it makes you feel fulfilled?
We each took time to process these questions on our own. Initially when I looked at all the questions, my mind went blank. I didn’t know how to articulate with words what singing meant to me. But as I began to explore more I realized how far away I had gotten to why I love singing. I unknowingly have used singing as of late to prove to myself that I have a “good” voice. To show that my voice is worthy of being heard. But in all honesty, my attempts to be worthy only lead me further in my insecurities of not feeling good enough. I tried to remember the last time I sang where I wasn’t trying to be better or sound perfect. This was the primary purpose of my singing. Some of the other creatives mentioned experiencing a flow state where they can drift off and just enjoy what they are doing. I can definitely recall times where I have felt this in my soul, but recently my criticisms have snatched me from getting to this space. As I further processed these questions, I realized that I resorted only to thinking of my voice in comparison with other people. Not valuing my own voice because it didn’t sound like that of others. Yet I also judged myself for not sounding unique enough. Singing and playing the guitar has become a chore. It has become rigid and controlling. When did my goal for singing shift from pleasure to perfection? I couldn’t hear my voice for what it was right now. I missed the beauty in it.
I have felt lost because I haven’t felt connected with one of my biggest passions and joys. I don’t feel like myself and I feel like a hypocrite. I’ve felt less inclined to sing because I’m scared of the weight of my own ridicule being too much to bear. I am not enough by my own standards. When I listen to my own voice somehow I can only focus on the flaws rather than my uniqueness. I filter my voice with others’ in mind. I compare my raw voice to perfected studio-produced recordings.
Comparison has made me ungrateful for the voice that I have. I have been treating my sound as if it is worthless and no good. But I know that is not true! I was not made to sing like others. I was also not made to be error-free in my singing because I am not perfect. And neither is anyone else. I believed I needed to be perfect because I assumed the artists’ I looked up to were.
So how do we as creatives appreciate who we are and stop comparing ourselves?
- Give yourself a voice. One of the reasons I love singing is because it has always been an area where I have felt my voice has mattered. I feel heard by others. I also believe that I have a message that needs to be heard. I see my value, though not exclusively, through my voice and my craft. Discover what your creativity means to you. Also be patient with yourself. It took me a while to remember why singing was so important to me. It may be longer or shorter depending on how far away we have gotten from our purpose in creating.
- Lay all the cards on the table. Examine what you like and dislike about your creativity. Consider what you dislike and how it might alter how you see your worth. How true is this really? What makes other people “better” than you and why? Where did these thoughts and feelings originate? I believe judgment works in opposition to creativity because it is very limiting. It affects how we create and how we see others create. Allow yourself and others to make mistakes and be human. This will give you more freedom as you learn and teach others.
- Choose what you really want to believe about yourself and think about the impact it will have. What would you want to believe about yourself if your self-criticisms didn’t get in the way? What difference would this make in your creativity? What else in your life would be impacted if you believed these new truths?
- Value your unique craft while also appreciating the unity of your work and others. Recognize that you have a gift and create in a way like no one else. And also know that your creativity is a gift like others that doesn’t have to work in opposition to one another. Believing that you are meant to be like someone else and be where they are is a legitimate struggle. But it robs you of the beauty of your own story. People benefit from a variety of different stories, not just one. Your story is needed. Just like the stories of others who you benefited from. Their stories are needed too. We don’t have to be someone else to get to where we were meant to be.
It is normal to compare ourselves to others because we are human. We innately want to know we are just as worthy as the person next to us. And due to the brokenness of others, we were told or believed that we weren’t good enough, but someone else was. This was not your fault. You tried to protect yourself by taking fewer risks or none at all. Or maybe you pushed harder to fit someone else’s standard. Yet you still find yourself fighting against these comparisons on a regular basis. Accept the parts of you that aren’t perfect. You are not only worthy of love when you do a “good” job. You are worthy of love with every breath that you breathe, every step that you take, and every tear that you cry. People don’t want perfection, at the end of the day they want a real story to relate with and to know that they are not the only ones experiencing it. They want to see they are not alone just like you. So tell your story how it is in its messiness (you don’t need to alter it) and don’t be surprised if other people feel more inclined to be real about their messy story too because of you.