Creating a Safe Place for your Creativity

What stops you from creating the way you want? If you’re like me, you fluctuate between setting high expectations for yourself where you feel determined, and giving up due to the pressure of needing to be perfect and feeling overwhelmed. Recently, I had a conversation with my brother about feeling stuck because of my unreasonable expectations. Sometimes I think I can achieve all my singing goals in one rehearsal. I want it to be perfect every time. This is not a realistic expectation and when I set the bar too high, I don’t grow. In fact, I am less likely to achieve anything and it kills my creative spirit. When we find ourselves deep in our criticisms, we leave little to no margin for being ourselves fully.

My brother mentioned that he focuses on one small thing he wants to improve in one practice and only that. He is specific about what he wants and makes it achievable which reduces the amount of overwhelm and disappointment in his efforts. He learned how to create a safe place for his singing. A place where he could be honest about where he is, recognize that most improvements aren’t going to happen in a day, and take a small step forward. 

I had to recognize that I wasn’t giving myself permission to sing just to sing. 

My biggest setback was that I wasn’t cultivating a safe place for myself in creating. My excitement for singing was choked out by thoughts that told me that if others heard my mistakes, they would believe my voice was worthless. Or I would be afraid to practice while my kids were sleeping because I thought I would wake them up. For a long time, I have felt restricted in my environment where I haven’t felt the freedom to sing freely.

Below, I have identified things that have made me feel unsafe singing. Go over this list to see if you might relate to it (process where you are currently). Singing may not be your creative talent but you may discover the same repetitive thoughts and fears that prevent you from creating a safe place for your creativity.

I have also included a creative safety list of things that allow me to experience more freedom in my creativity. Use these examples to create your own to understand yourself a bit better where you learn what hinders and helps you to create the way you do best.

What makes me feel unsafe when singing: 

• Comparing myself to other artists
• Thinking other people will hear me make a mistake
  • Why is this scary for me?
  •  I’m afraid people won’t want to hear me sing anymore. If people don’t hear me making a mistake then I can keep singing but only in private. This restricts my singing greatly and I can feel isolated in the limited options I have for singing. 
• Afraid of cracking, making a mistake
  • Believing I shouldn’t make mistakes
• Not wanting to warm-up before I sing
• Thinking I don’t have enough time to practice
• Not getting much feedback from others about my singing, feeling alone
• Receiving too much “constructive” feedback and feeling overwhelmed
• Thinking that I should be able to make quick fixes to my mistakes
• Making the same singing mistakes over and over again

What makes me feel safe:

• Singing exercises
• Taking breaks from listening to other artists
  • I feel more confident with my songs and my voice
• Allowing myself the freedom to sing freely mistakes and all
• Knowing I am worth more than my voice
• Knowing it’s okay to make mistakes
• Knowing no one sings like me and no one else can sing for me
• Support from other artists
• Changing one mistake at a time
• Taking more risks-going to open mics, etc.
• Not trying to control the outcome of singing
• Enjoying singing in the moment and what I like about it

After you make your lists, explore the meaning behind them. Why do we not feel good enough when we make a mistake? Why do we feel safe when we have support from friends? This will help you have a deeper understanding for yourself, your creativity and your purpose. Also consider the degree of impact each item has on your creativity. 

I am coming to terms with the fact that it’s okay if someone else hears me crack or sing the wrong note. I also can sing with my kids around even if it seems inconvenient to them. A safe place for me means singing a lot of notes wrong in order to sing it better. Having the space to hold every potential note that is out there without judgment while being realistic about my improvements. 

Take the time to build safety for yourself and your talents. This will help you to build confidence in your artistic abilities while helping you work through the hindrances that have held you back in the past.

What is one small change you can make this week to have a safer place for your creativity?