Recently my 1 year old, Jordan, discovered his love for a particular word. No! We were sitting down on our burgundy couch having a snack. He was holding the entire bag of Veggie straws in his arms while I sat adjacent to him. I stretched out my hand and asked if he would share some with me. He looks down at my empty palm and looks up at me and shakes his head and says no. Where did he learn to say no from? And why did he say it with such confidence? Meanwhile my husband, who’s standing in front of him, reaches out for a few straws and Jordan gladly gives him some. What made my husband worthy of this snack while I was unable to have any?
Later that day I recalled the source of his newfound vocabulary. Our kids love the Pigeon and Duckling books by Mo Willems. That night, I read them “The Duckling Gets a Cookie!?”. The premise of this story is that a sweet duckling asks for a cookie politely and gets one with nuts. The pigeon sees him with the cookie and gets jealous stating that he always asks for things. He asks the duckling if he ever gets what he asks for, to which the Pigeon responds dramatically (before giving the duckling an opportunity to speak), “NOOOOOOOOOO”! This response fills up two full pages in the book and it’s no coincidence that this part is the favorite for both of my boys. I won’t ruin the rest of the story for those who haven’t read it, but it is clear that even my boys can understand the weight and impact of the word “no”.
So what is the value in the word “no”? It is not only a word but also a powerful statement. It is clear and straight to the point. People often associate this word with harshness and rejection. Depending on how others have used this word can stir up various latent messages with it.
But what if we reframed how we saw “no”?
What if no actually meant yes? What could this change for us? Perhaps you have a hard time saying no to your family members because they have supported you a lot in the past and you feel like you owe them a debt whenever they ask you for something. But what if the true reason why you haven’t had time for your creativity is because you have said yes to everyone else except yourself?
Saying no to others could mean saying yes to yourself and dreams that you have put on hold for sooo long. Saying no to the thoughts that have made you feel like a failure can make way for saying yes to your worth and making the first risky step. When you say no to something, think about what you are making room to say yes for?
There will most likely be unsolicited feedback from those around you when you start saying no. You might also have an internal dialogue when you sacrifice things you like in the short-run for things you love in the long-run. But give yourself an opportunity to have what you truly want by saying no to your default yes.
Ask yourself:
What or who do you want to say no to?
What will you be able to say yes to when you say no?
Your new “yes” can be out of intention rather than guilty obligation.
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