This past week, I met with my counselor who pointed out that I am more likely to create my own spin on reality because I am more comfortable believing what I want rather than facing what is real. This literally hit me like a ton of bricks! Why was I more comfortable with what didn’t exist and what was I trying to avoid?
Disappointment and sadness. Feeling like a failure.
I would do whatever was in my power to avoid these feelings. So I would turn the world upside-down before I accepted emotions that come natural to me.
When we avoid things, it may prevent us from building the resiliency we need for other difficult situations. We could also be robbing ourselves of an opportunity to grow.
I planned to meet with my girlfriend months ago, but forgot about it and had really no money to spare for it. In my mind, I had no other choice than to still hang out and spend money I didn’t have because I didn’t want to disappoint her.
What was I so afraid of disappointing her? What did that mean to me?
As I dug deeper I realized that I actually believed that if I didn’t spend money with her I would let her down. If I let her down then she would believe I didn’t care about her. If she thought I didn’t care about her then I wouldn’t be perfect.
Because I told myself I was going to do something, it had to happen. If I didn’t follow through, then I would be a failure and wouldn’t receive forgiveness. I believed she would hold this against me forever. This would make me feel worthless and purposeless.
At the time, spending money felt like a requirement in order to enjoy our time together. When the time came to hang out, I just so happened to find a stash of money and was still able to spend time with her. But came to find out that she was tight on finances as well and didn’t want to spend a lot of money either. We talked about planning future hangouts that didn’t require us to spend money while still enjoying each other’s company.
Sometimes when we are afraid of facing something based on a thought or emotion, we strongly believe a certain outcome will happen. We predict the future as if it was the past. But what if we believed that whatever happens in the future will be for our growth and benefit if we allow ourselves to be shaped by it. If we open ourselves to experience hard things even if we feel uncomfortable.
Ask yourself:
Are there areas in my life where I default to avoiding?
Why is it easier for me to avoid at times than to engage?
How is my creativity impacted by avoidance if at all?
What would my life look like if I chose to face things instead of avoiding them?
What supportive steps can I plan to take instead of defaulting to avoiding?
Who can keep me accountable?
Ready to step into your dreams but want additional help? Let’s create a plan together to make your dreams a reality by filling out the form below.